CPAP

Today I got my CPAP machine.  If you don't know what it stands for, it is Continuous Positive Airway Pressure.  Basically it helps me breathe while sleeping so I don't actually stop breathing.  I'm so stinking excited about this machine.  The Respiratory Therapist, Amy, who came to the house to deliver the equipment and instruct me on use and cleaning is one of the sweetest people I have ever met.  She reminds me of my friend, Sheila Hall, because when they are talking to you they are genuinely interested in what you are saying.

Anyway, this machine will help with my breathing which in turn should help with my sleeping.  I can't imagine a whole night of sleep, it's been so long since I slept through the whole night.  I can hardly wait to strap this hideous mask to my face and close my eyes.  Oh yeah, forgot to mention, this is something I NEVER want people to see me wearing.  It's all Hannibal Lecter looking.

Anyway, if I don't answer my phone, work well into the night, or play my face book games after midnight, you'll know I am sound asleep.

My Heart is Tested

Had to go to my primary care physician today for what I thought was just a regular check-up and diabetes medication refill.  Turns out they decided to do an EKG prior to "officially" clearing me for surgery.    So while I wasn't really planning on it, they said they could do it right then.  OK, so naked from the waist up I was and after like 10 sensors were placed on me, the printout came and all looked fine...or so I thought.

Seems the room I was in had some major interference from the elevator on the other side of the wall and the test would have to be repeated.  Of course I found this out after I was already dressed.  So I was whisked off to another room stripped and had new sensors put on again.  The test runs and again and I get dressed.

Then the doctor comes back and says it looks okay but she is going to have the "senior" doctor look it over  just to be certain, but everything looks fine to her.  Yeah!

Then she does something not many doctors do anymore.  She doesn't shake my hand, she hugs me.  A full on hug, not timid or shy, but a sincere hug.  She says she is excited for me and really proud I am taking this step and can't wait to see how much better I am going to feel.

I love her.

Setting Goals

Time for me to start imaging a life with a thinner version of myself. So what would I do if I was healthier? Here's my top ten, but in no particular order:

1. Fly to London to see my nephew (and brother and sister-in-law too) without needing the "extra" seatbelt and fitting comfortably in just one seat.


2. Ride a roller coaster - over and over and over. I haven't ridden one since Matt was in 6th grade. That was 2003.


3. Take my blood pressure at the pharmacy on one of those machines, just because I can.


4. Wear sleeveless shirts, capri pants and sandals.


5. Shop in a "normal" woman's store, no more plus size stores.


6. Walk up Stone Mountain. I haven't done this since I was in high school and that was, well 26 years ago.


7. Speaking of high school, attend my next high-school reunion.


8. Go dancing with some friends at a swanky club.


9. Visit two of my dearest friends in Texas, Jana and Cheryl.


10. Allow people to take pictures of me.

If anyone else has some fun ideas let me know...Hopefully soon I'll be up for anything!

Support Group

Went to my first support group tonight. You know how there is always one person in every crowd that is just "that" person who annoys you? Normally I'm thinking I'm that person but tonight it was another girl...let's call her "Jennifer". Our meeting was was scheduled from 6:00 -7:30 but thanks to Jennifer and her rants we were there until 8:00. Whenever she would finally stop talking I actually enjoyed everyone else's comments. I was hoping to hear more from them, but Jen the Jabber would not shut up. My cousin, Janissa, my friend, Tami, and I decided there needed to be a separate support group for sarcasm, which of course I could facilitate.

Anyway, my favorite part (other than have Janissa and Tami there) was when everyone talked about their Wow moments. Some favorites I heard:

"Brian" - Every day was WOW and he really enjoyed playing more with his kids

"Brad" - He doesn't have WOW moments he now has a WOW life

"Skinny Husband supporting his wife" - His WOW moment came when he had to write his letter of understanding as the support person for his wife. He said he had always struggled with weight, but his struggle was to gain it (and yes we all secretly hate him now). But he said he really had to put himself in her shoes and see the world through her eyes to understand what she was going through...oh I loved this man for getting it!

And of course my WOW moment - well it will be when I actually have a scheduled surgery date that sticks. What I am looking forward too...Jumping on a plane to London, sitting comfortably, and enjoying a visit with Chris, Caitriona and my precious nephew, Harry.

And the other thing I am most looking forward too and one of my top goals...

As soon as my blood pressure can be checked with the normal cuff and my cankles (when you cannot tell when your calves stop and your ankles start) are gone, I'm donning a sleeveless shirt, capri pants and the cutest sandals I can find...even if it is the middle of winter and there is snow on the ground!

Stress is Optional!

I had a wonderful opportunity today to participate in a Life Coaching seminar called Stress is Optional. It was fabulous and I learned several things about stress. I want to share a couple of things I took away from this seminar.

1. Stress is of course triggered by our thoughts about an event. The most important thing to remember is that the "event" is not emotional, our thoughts are. We cannot control it, only our reaction to it. Think of it this way:
Event = Traffic (something we cannot control)
Thoughts on Traffic = I hate being late. Why can't others drive better? Why won't those people go and get out of my way? (Notice how every thought was about me?)
Reaction = Honking, yelling, road rage

So to deal with the stress I'll have to retrain my brain to think differently about traffic. I don't have to like traffic; I just have to change my thoughts so my reaction isn't stressful.

2. Balance. There are four factors for living in balance. They are:
a) Physical – Body (Image, Fitness, Nutrition)
b) Psychological – Thoughts & Emotions (Fun & Recreation, Happiness, Learning)
c) Social – Environment & Relationships (Work, Environment, Relationships)
d) Spiritual – Soul (Higher Power, Growth & Investment, Life Purpose)

Imagine each of the items in parenthesis is a wheel on a car. If one is pumped up more than another, then your ride will be very bumpy. Rate them on a scale of 1 – 10 with 10 being the highest and most completely satisfied with that area of your life. If you’re like most people, some will be higher than others. This is what causes the bumpy ride. Work each day to improve the lower ones so you can get them all up high enough for a smooth ride.

It was a really great seminar and I wish I could share all of it with you, because we could all use a bit less stress.

Disappointment

Well, my surgery has officially been postponed. Don't know for how long. I see another psychologist Tuesday the 12th for a second opinion. Please pray this one goes smoothly. I'm completely depressed about the postponement as I was looking forward to being two months post-op by October when Chris, Caitriona and Harry go to Disney World. I really wanted to surprise them with less of me. Now I might not even have surgery by that date.

I need some positive energy and encouragement if anyone has a bible verse or something I can hold on to and not lose hope, please share.